Very Last First Time

I have always loved babies. I don't remember a time when I wasn't playing with dolls dreaming about being a mom. I picked out names from the time I was a preschooler myself. I can honestly say that having children has always been one of the greatest desires of my heart.

And even though we've just had our fourth, and I'm certainly waaaay more relaxed (maybe a little too
relaxed) about welcoming a new little one, I can also say that there is still something completely magical about a new baby.

As I think about the way we've welcomed our children, I love that each one has been so special for a different reason. With Sophie, everything was brand new. She was the typical doted on first born. I saved the bandaid from her first immunization, and I probably took pictures of her first diapers. It was utterly ridiculous. I rocked her and stared at her for hours on end. With Will, he was our first boy, and not only Matt's and my first boy, but the first boy in our family in generations. And though I didn't know it at first, I totally fell head over heels with being a boy's mom, and went baby crazy in a whole new way - baby boy style. I stared in wonder at my son, and as I've stared, I've watched him transform from a baby to a boy right before my eyes. Then along came Miss Lillie, and I really thought she was probably our last baby, so I treasured every moment with her. We also found out that Dad had cancer when she was two weeks old, so our whole family had a special awareness of how precious each day was. I was intentional as I stared at Lillie and clung to the hope that her life represented.

And now, once again, I am cradling a sweet baby. One more blessing that the Lord has given me as an answer to one of the greatest desires of my heart. I feel quite sure that Miss Lucie is the last baby the Lord will bless our family with, and in her three short weeks, I have realized time
and time again that I am experiencing the very last "firsts"
of many kinds. We've had our last coming home from the hospital. Our
last first night home. Our last first trip to the doctor. Our last first bath. Our last first Thanksgiving, and pretty soon, our last first Christmas.

Though another baby was a great surprise to us, I couldn't be more thankful that I am experiencing these last firsts one more time. And while it can be difficult to make the "fourth" first time as exciting as the first, in my heart, I am treasuring each last first. I am stopping to stare long at my baby girl. This time around as I stare, I am overwhelmed with gratitude as I see her as the answer to the deep cries of my heart. While Lucie definitely has to share me, my time, and my lap more than any of her siblings did as a baby, she has my undivided love as much as Sophie, Will, and Lillie.

And as I fall more and more in love with my precious baby, I am cherishing these moments that I have the wisdom to know are quickly fleeting. I'm not worried about
when she'll roll over, crawl, sleep through the night or walk. It will all come too quickly. And though the days with four little ones can be overwhelming to me, I am working hard to remember that while many things remain undone, I will take the time each day to stare at my baby and thank my God for allowing me to experience the very last first time.

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