A Season of Firsts

Yesterday was day of firsts at our house. The day began with Sophie's first day of preschool. She woke up early (for her) before 8 a.m., and was treated to a "princess-style" breakfast, complete with crown and princess magazine. My mom always made the first day of school special in one way or another, and I so wanted to make Sophie's "first" first day of school exciting and special for her. We gathered her "brand new" (nothing with Sophie is ever "new," always "brand new") backpack and lunch box, all prepared the night before, ate a special breakfast of peaches, cantaloupe, cereal and eggs (a virtual feast at our house), read The Kissing Hand (a must-read when mother and child will be separated) and took first day pictures at the front door. The drama level was relatively low, all things considered. (Things tend to get quite dramatic around here at special times - the drama gene is one Sophie and I both possess).

We arrived early and with great anticipation. Though I wasn't overly impressed with the level of organization, I've been through many first days of school as both a student and teacher, so I know a hectic first day is not always an indicator of the overall experience. I did come back after ballet class to help Sophie change clothes (just for the first day), and I realized that as much as she has grown and matured, she is still relatively small and dependent on big people. She struggled with the change from ballet clothes to school clothes, and opening her lunch box and packing it up was a slow and tedious process. Though she still has much to learn and many skills to develop, she embraced her first day with excitement, and I was proud of her sense of courage and security. And though school is only one day a week, I realize that yesterday was an important step in her journey to independence. For one day each week, from 10:30 to sometime after 5:30 when she and Matt arrive home, I will not be with Sophie. Now, she's been with Patti Grams and Tato or Aunt Tori, Aunt Hope or Aunt Ashley, but never with someone that doesn't know her and love her dearly. This is an important milestone in her life.

Because we decided to embrace steps towards independence wholeheartedly, Will spent his first night in his own bedroom last night. Again, the steps towards independence are small and incremental, and Will was in our room by 2:30 or so, but steps were still taken. Matt and I couldn't believe we could speak above a whisper with our super-sensitive little guy not in our room as we went to sleep! We spent a good deal of time watching him on the video monitor (or Will TV as we like to call it), and we were amused that he sucked on his toes to

comfort himself! We take a "nice and easy" approach to sleep training, and really, child-training in general, but we are training these little ones to be whole-hearted independent individuals.

Though these steps to independence are bittersweet, I know they have only begun, and I am profoundly grateful that my children are growing and maturing, even in small ways. I sometimes miss the newborn days, but overall, I enjoy my children more every day. I am learning that while a huge part of my job is to shower them with love and security, I am also responsible to not break their every fall - to let them do things on their own and learn through the process. I'm much better at the active loving than I am at the inactive letting them work through things, but, then, those are my lessons to learn. In the meantime, these are precious times in all of our lives, and I am blessed by this season of "firsts."