A Precious Privilege

This week I had a visit with a friend who is expecting her first baby. As we talked about many of the exciting changes she has ahead of her, I thought about how different having your first child is from having your second. (I'm sure the differences are even greater when having your third+...) While preparing for and having your first baby is a time full of great changes and many uncertainties, it is also one of the most precious and wonder-filled seasons of life.

I remember how much I read while waiting for Sophie to arrive. I have a crazy number of parenting and child development books, and a disproportionate number of them were bought and read while I was pregnant with Soph. I read a great deal while waiting for Will too, but the majority of my reading was children's books that I was reading to Sophie!

I remember the newness of Sophie's baby gear and layette. Most of it, I researched, registered for and received as shower gifts. Not so much for ole Will. He does have more than his fair share of new things (particularly since he was our first boy), but he also sat in Soph's bouncer, played on her playmat, slept in her Amby, and still eats in her highchair! Now Will is absolutely none the worse for it, but I do fondly remember the sweetness of picking out new things for a brand new little one!

I also remember the large amounts of undivided time and attention devoted completely to Sophie. My days were all about her and only her. I spent hours reading to her before her eyes were even able to focus on the book! She nursed whenever she wanted for however long she wanted, and we regularly took naps together. It was truly a precious opportunity to get to know her while focused on little else. I have had to be much more intentional about getting to know Will. He's had to wait much more than his sister ever thought about waiting, and we haven't shared nearly as many naps (though I've snuck a few in). Now, he's probably heard more stories, but most were chosen by his four year old sister! He has, however, had the great joy of living in a home where not only two people are crazy in love with him, but he's also experienced the unbridled love and devotion of an older sister.

One difference between the first and second child that makes the second time around a little easier is the fact that it is the second time around! Though the first baby is extra-exciting, with extra excitement can come extra nervousness and anxiety. Having my second baby, I realized that Matt and I could in fact "do this," and I think I was more relaxed with Will. While I may not have had as much time to enjoy him one-on-one, I think I enjoyed him in a special way because I was more at ease. It is also helpful to have experienced first hand the fact that stages are in fact short-lived, and not, as they often seem, permanent conditions.

There are many differences between having a first and second child, but I guess even more striking are the beautiful similarities. When a child is born, a family is instantly and permanently transformed. It becomes almost impossible to believe you were ever without the child. The nagging doubt that you had that you could ever love another as much as the one before seems utterly ridiculous. The absolute miracle that an eternal soul has been created from two flawed human beings is equally as awe-inspiring, whether that child is your first, second, or I imagine your 12th. Waiting for and getting to know a new little person is both worry-filled and wonder-filled, exhausting and exhilarating, and while the tremendous

responsibility cannot be overlooked, in the end the experience is nothing short of a precious privilege.