Treasured

Oh my sweet Lillie-Pie! Today is your first birthday! I just rocked you to sleep after a day of birthday doughnuts, a new play kitchen, play time at Peek-a-Boo Playtown, and a Chuy's rice and beans topped off with a little sopapilla. All this on top of your first party last weekend. And, yes, I've been accused of trying to drag your special day out a bit; in fact, Will told me today, "No more Lillie's birthday! I'm next!" But I am determined that you always know how special you are to me. Maybe, it's a hang up for me because you are my third, but I suspect that first, third, or fifteenth, I would want you to know how loved you are.

So, even though you didn't have a huge baby shower or an elaborate sip and see, and your calendar and baby book aren't filled out as well as your siblings, even though you were born in a year that involved lots of changes and instability, you, sweet Lillie, have been treasured. In fact, with all we've been through, I think I'm bonded to you in a very unique way. You alone heard much of my crying out to the Lord as we rocked and nursed, nursed and rocked. Plenty of tears fell on your little face, and you heard first of the planning and praying that accompanied each change our family has undergone. And of all my babies, you've spent the most time in my arms; largely for your own protection, but also because you are so very happy there. Though I've wanted to be strong for your brother and sister too, your pressing infant needs - to eat, to be changed, to be rocked, have kept me moving on days when I thought I couldn't.

I've written and talked so much about how absolutely precious you are - what a joy you've been to parent. You are so very good-natured and smiley, funny and sweet, and you make people feel like a million bucks when you grin at them. But there is one thing in all my bragging on you I think I haven't made clear:

While I love your personality, and I'm thankful that you've been "easy," if you wake up tomorrow and decide to cry and throw a fit every day for the rest of your life, I won't love you one ounce less.

You see, I don't believe it is your job to make me feel good, and I don't love you based on your behavior. You don't have to be the "sweet one" or the "easy one" or the "smiley one" if that's not who you want to be. Not only will the love I have for you not change, my acceptance of you won't change based on whether or not you live up to an expectation. You can be whoever you want, and you, my dear, will be loved. You can't do anything to make me love you any more or any less, and I am so excited and thankful that I get to know more about who you are and who you are becoming each day.

Lillie, you are rapidly approaching the toddler phase, and I've been there a time or two, so I know that we will butt heads in the not-so-distant future. And for pete's sake, after parenting your brother and sister, I'm pretty much a pro at tantrums and fits, so you can hit me with your best shot in that area! Whether you're smiling or not while you do it, you will disobey, and I will correct you. You will fuss, and I will attempt to comfort you. You will ask for things, and sometimes I will say no. You will have some tough days being a baby, and I will have tough days being a mama, but each and every moment, I will love you. I guess what I'm trying in a very sloppy way to say is: smiling or frowning, happy or sad, easy or challenging, I will love you no matter what. And though I already know I will fall short at times, I promise that, to the best of my ability, you will know that not only are you loved, you, my precious Lillian Hope, are treasured.

Happy 1st Birthday Lillie-Pie! I love you big as the sky!

Mama