Counting

If this blog could have "talked" this February without me having the mental energy to form coherent thoughts or the physical strength to type them out, it would have had quite a bit to say. Ironically, the times when my blog is most silent are the very times when there is little silence to be found in our home! In fact, my posting has been pretty light since the new year began. So for those who are counting... Number of blog posts in February (before this one): 1.

Number of blog posts so far in 2011: 4. Well, if the blog could have talked on its own, there are a number of things it would have told of:

• parties, parties, and a couple more parties - celebrations of weddings, birthdays and babies. You name it, we've celebrated it. Number of parties: at least three but up to five, depending on your definition of a party.

• a seemingly-unending cycle of sickness, hot fevers, coughs, runny noses, and the dreaded ear infections. Not a week has gone by since January 17 when I haven't been in the doctor's office, and a couple of times, I was there multiple times in a week. Dr. appointments: I refuse to know for sure, but between well checkups, weight checks, and sick visits, I'm guessing 8.

• travels near and far. An amazing trip to Vegas for Matt on the heels of Winter Retreat and a whirlwind trip to Birmingham for the rest of our crew to celebrate Jamie and Ry-Dog's wedding. Number of trips: 2

• disappointments, struggles, and more waiting for our precious Zoe. Number of court dates: 2. Number of days until we expect to hear great news: 15 Number of days until we meet her, hold her, and love on her: we still don't know

• little hassles that wear a person down. getting sick with daddy out of town, car trouble, needing to rely on my family's help, a terrible washer and a broken dryer Number of times my car died before finally getting repaired: 4. Number of family members required for me to make it through this month: 6

• meltdowns (theirs and mine). Sick kids make for grouchy kids, and grouchy kids make for a on-edge mama. Number of tantrums that have been thrown by my three kids: I can't count that high Number of tantrums I've thrown: I will never tell. But I know that crying late one Sunday night on my kitchen floor, I had myself an old-fashioned fit. Try as I might I could never tell you exactly why, but I know that the feeling that you have all you've ever prayed for, but you are hopelessly screwing it up is not a feeling I ever want to have again.

• learning and re-learning that whether I'm in the midst of celebration or disappointment, sickness or busyness, annoying hassles or gut-wrenching meltdowns, the answer lies in counting my gifts. Number of gifts: way more than 1000, but the counting must begin somewhere.

#1 the deep giggle of boy who doesn't giggle for just anything

#2 waking up without feeling like I've been hit by a truck

#3 watching my big girl love on her brother and sister

#4 the blue, blue eyes of my baby

#5 a husband who keeps on even when the plans change

#6 a mother's willingness to make everything alright