The Little Old Lady Who Was Not Afraid of Anything

It may seem strange to refer to my mom as "The Little Old Lady Who Was Not Afraid of Anything," but if you've read the children's book (one of our Halloween favorites), you know how appropriate it is.

Now I, myself, have always been a fraidy-cat. I don't watch scary movies, I make Matt go to the car if I forget something at night, and I've slept in between my mom and dad...as an adult. But my mom... Well, she isn't afraid of anything.

Now I've always loved having a mom who isn't afraid of anything. She's always had the attitude, "why should I be afraid?" And she isn't simply naive. For after all, her father owns the cattle on a thousand hills, her God knows the plans He has for her, her Bible tells her that no weapon formed against her shall prosper, and she knows a thousand other promises that make her sure she doesn't need to be afraid.

Having a mom who isn't afraid of anything is pretty great because it makes everything seem okay, even if it isn't. I guess that's why I ran to her so many times after having a terrible nightmare. Or why I've called her on the cell phone when walking through dark parking lots. Or why she is one of the few people that even know what makes me the most fearful. But I never knew just how not afraid of anything Mom was until this past year.

On February 4, Mom, my two-week old and my two-days-shy of a two-year old, and I spent the day shopping for Will's birthday, then picking Soph up from school, hauling her to dance, fighting the 5 o'clock Atlanta traffic. We were a crazy crew, moving slowly so newborn Lillie could nurse, driving in circles so Will could nap in the car, and giving Sophie extra time to pick out just the right present for her brother. Just as we were finishing up errands in Target (wherelse?), we got the phone call that changed everything.

I will never forget that moment or the total sick feeling that came with it. I will never forget knowing I needed to be brave in front of my three children. I was with mom that night when she got the call that Dad had some kind of cancer. And I was with her when she got the call about a week later that it was serious - lymphoma. And I was with her when the doctor told us a few days later that it was worse than we'd originally thought. If she struggled to be brave, I never knew it.

Now, I'm not saying she was out of touch with reality. She was very concerned about dad. She was so sad for him, and so sad for our family, but she was also the picture of courage. I heard somewhere that courage isn't not the absence of fear, but taking a step forward when you feel afraid. Mom kept stepping forward. And somehow, once again, being the daughter of the little old lady who was not afraid of anything made everything okay, even though it wasn't.

Mom, little did we know that cancer was only the first thing this year that would sneak up behind us coming to scare us all. But through it all, you have been brave and made everything okay. Thank you for teaching us why we don't have to be afraid. Thank you for being a picture of courage, firmly rooted in trust. Thank you for being the little old lady who is not afraid of anything.

Happy Birthday! We love you big as the sky!

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Deuteronomy 31:6