20 Reasons Why Aunt Hope Should Quit School and Move In With Us

In honor of Aunt Hope's 20th birthday, and in light of the fact that she is about to register for another quarter of school after spending the past three weeks helping us survive (and we are not quite ready for her to leave), I thought I would give Hope a few things to think over. Now, I admit, some of the following reasons Hope should quit school benefit me somewhat, but most are for her own benefit.

1. If you go back to school, you won't be able to hear Choo Choo Soul each and every time you are in the car. And who wants to be in a car without hearing cheesy rap songs about trains blaring from the speakers? Further more, you might not have said songs stuck in your head for the rest of the day! Chugga-choo, Chugga choo

2. If you go back to college, you will miss out on the opportunity to pass out each night on an

egg-crate on the floor of a nursery, numb from bone-crushing exhaustion. Studies show that falling into a coma really is the best way to fall asleep...

3. I'm just afraid your arms will become flabby if you don't have an 11 pound baby to jiggle and

bounce 24 hours a day. And you don't want flabby arms...

4. My drawers won't be nearly as organized, the contents of my "night bin" might get mixed in with the contents of my "morning bin," and I might forget to put clothes in the "tomorrow basket" if you go back to school.

5. Who will give me my nightly massage if you go back to school? Can I really be expected to lovingly care for a husband and three children without my nightly massage?

6. If you go back to school, you won't be able to daily read from "Cars Book." Next to the Bible and Jesus Calling, "Cars Book" is the most important read of the day.

7. Who exactly is going to fold my laundry when you go back to school? (I told you some of them were for my benefit...)

8. What kind of life is it without getting to see Matt shirtless in our front yard before 8 a.m.?

9. There is no point in you going back to school since all your jacket pockets are now full of Mylicon and wickies.

10. I would hate for you to miss out on getting to wear a long piece of fabric tied around your body for six hours on Mondays. Not to mention the 11 pound turkey that fits in that long piece of tied-up fabric. You might actually be able to button your own pants!

11. You know you will miss the amazing sushi from the ultra-chic Asian place in the Publix shopping center. Where will you ever find food of that quality in Nashville?

12. If you aren't here, you may have time to get your nails done, fix your hair, and apply makeup. You are sure to wind up shallow and vain, and we can't have that.

13. You will never meet anyone in college who can party as hard or stay up as late as your five-year-old niece.

14. What good is a college education without a weekly trip to the train museum or train park? I mean, I don't think you plan on taking one class about locomotive history! Plus, neither of the schools you attend offers field trips to watch dump trucks and diggers. (You call that education? I think not.)

15. Refereeing fights between Will and Sophie is certain to teach you more negotiation skills than any college course ever could. If you just stay here a few more months, you could probably be hired to negotiate peace in the Middle East.

16. I'm afraid you will grow soft if you sleep through the night without hearing between 1 and 3 children cry out in the night. Where is the excitement in sleeping without hearing "Daddy, get me out!, Mama, I'm ready" or "I can't take this!" followed by blood-curdling screams?

17. Without Matt, who will throw away your special cups, make you mess up at the ATM, or cause you to wet your pants at Target? You know you don't want to be away from all the fun that is life with Matt!

18. How will you be able to concentrate without knowing for sure if Lillie has toes or if it is, in fact, a happy day?

19. My children will miss the opportunity to spend their days with their amazing aunt (plus I really don't think I can make it without you!)

20. You will never find people at school who love you more or are more appreciative of your amazing selflessness and compassion! Not only are you amazing at organizing, you are the kindest, most giving person I know. We know you must go back to school, but we will miss you so very much and we can't thank you enough for coming! Happy 20th birthday! We love you big as the sky!

(And you are not going home with mom this weekend. My contract says I have you until midnight on April 2...)