Enough

I am not good. I have had enough. 

My dad's comment, "If there is anything else in life you can do other than ministry, and still be fulfilled, go do it," keeps ringing in my ears. My dad is a senior pastor; my husband is a student pastor; my brother-in-law is a children's pastor; my sister is over communications on a church staff. The people I love the most in life all wear targets on their backs. 

Truly, there are days when I realize that we are beyond blessed to have the privilege of serving as we do. Truly, there are days when I feel humbled that my family gets to be a part of the wins that involve life change. Today just isn't one of those days.

Today, I want to sit Sophie and Will down and tell them that people are bitter and stupid and so self-centered that they just aren't worth the pain. That people are so shallow that they will be happy when they find opportunities to be mean, and that they are so inexperienced and inept when it comes to leadership that they have no understanding of the pressure Tato, Daddy, Uncle Derek or Aunt Tori live under. 

I have to remember though that Jesus thought people were worth the pain. That I too can be shallow, stupid, and self-centered. I have to make a conscious decision not to repay evil with evil. I have to remember that we all have a lot to learn about leadership.  

Matt and I have had some horrible experiences in two very different churches, before experiencing being on staff in a healthy church. I don't feel compelled to make fun of or wish ill on either place. Now, perhaps it is because we sought some counsel and did the hard work of forgiving the people and churches involved. Or perhaps it is because, I know first-hand that as long as churches are made up of people, mistakes will be made. My family has made plenty of mistakes. We've been both the mistake-makers and the victims of mistakes. None of us are even close to perfect, but we are all growing. Thank goodness the Lord is in the business of using growing people who've made mistakes. 

So, though a part of me wishes I could shield my kids from the pain I've experienced since I was a child, a greater part of me knows that your family being a part of something bigger than you is more important. In the end, many members of my family can't "do anything else and be fulfilled" because God has called them to ministry. So though, for today, I can't gleefully talk about the joy of life in ministry,  I can say, if the Lord will continue to use my family for His glory and purposes, that is enough.